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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Little L's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, January 30th, 2011
2:16 am
Arcade Fire and Black Swan
Went to see Black Swan tonight. I thought it was pretty amazing really. Dan said it was "weird" but it freaked me out, I think because it reminded me of when my grandad was ill and I was at college and everything was getting to me and I actually thought I was having a nervous breakdown. Maybe not quite as extreme as Natalie Portman's character's but still, it was a scary, crazy time and I thought that this film captured that feeling of having your mind unravel really well. The ending was a bit of a letdown in a way, I think maybe because it was vaguely reminiscent of the Wrestler but having said that I don't know if I would have preferred it had something else happened.

I am currently listening to Arcade Fire and man oh man do I love this band. They are without doubt one of my favourite groups ever. They're so epic, and beautiful. I don't understand how anyone couldn't like them really. Alex used to hate them but I think he might've decided they're ok now...

I feel pretty confused at the moment. It's hard feeling like you're investing a lot in something but you're not sure if the other person feels the same way, and if you ask you don't get a straight answer. I don't really have anything that's mine.

Current Mood: anxious
Monday, January 24th, 2011
7:34 pm
....
I miss going to sleep next to someone every night, and waking up next to someone every morning.
I miss not having to worry so much.
I miss my cat.
I miss being able to say what I think and thinking I was getting the truth back.

Ignorance is most definitely bliss.

Current Mood: contemplative
Sunday, January 23rd, 2011
6:07 pm
Sunday afternoon comedown
I'm feeling a bit "meh" this afternoon. I don't know if it's due to my having done nothing all day despite having massive plans to prepare for my one to one at work and apply for lots of jobs, or just because I feel completely at sea at the moment or what.

I sort of feel like I don't really have anyone who particularly cares about me. I mean as a friend. My mum and dad love me and support me, and I appreciate it, but it'd be nice to have someone care who didn't HAVE to, if that makes sense (I know they don't have to care, and there are plenty of people out there who have parents who couldn't give a rat's ass about them, but friends like you because they like YOU, not because you were squeezed out of them, or they contributed something that went some way towards making you...).

I would like to start writing again but I lack motivation to the point where I can't even be arsed to find OUT about people need contributors, never mind actually sitting down and writing something. I don't even know where I want to live, what I want to do, how I feel about my job, how I feel about me, how I feel about certain people in my life.

I think I am so worried about everything that it paralyses me, or in relationship terms, it makes me say things that I know I shouldn't, and ask questions that I know make me sound paranoid and insecure. To quote that high-brow cultural masterpiece that is Mean Girls, it's like word vomit. I try to keep it in, I really do, and then bam, it's there, it's been said and all I can do is apologise for being so stupid about things.

I think that being with a boy makes me more worried - it's been a long time since I had a relationship with a guy, and all stereotypes and stuff aside they are SO different to girls. At least the girls I've been in relationships with. Girls just say how they feel most of the time, and usually you can relate. Everything I expect from said boy is based upon my own pre-conceived ideas of what boys want and what they do - boys want something physical all the time, therefore if they don't take you up on the offer of physical 'activity' (for want of a better phase) then they're obviously not interested.

I need to stop basing everything I do around relationships. I sometimes think that I was so crap with other people in high school and college, and ever since really, that if I find people, or a person, who can bear to be around me for more than a few hours a week I should cling onto them like a limpet and never let go, just because it's so rare. I need to work out what I want, and do it, and damn everyone else.

TL;DR
Emo Laura is emo.

Current Mood: blah
Thursday, January 6th, 2011
2:08 pm
Can I post from this bastard stupid phone or not?
1:57 pm
I think I might be going mad.
Ugh. At work, going crazy, feeling ill. I hate waiting for things so much.
Wednesday, January 5th, 2011
11:07 pm
Long long long time....
SO I have not visited these hallowed pages for many a while other than to look at OhNoTheyDidn't and perv on photos of Alex Skarsgaard.  I figure I am mainly on my own in my room nowadays yet again so fuck it, I may as well rant it out on here rather than on Facebook where fuckwits read it and judge me (MOTHER).  

So since the last time I posted I went through a major break up - after four years of domestic bliss (or something) I was not good enough no more and got kicked to the curb like an empty can of Special Brew (that I probably drank and got stupid and pissed her off and contributed to the end).  It's weird really because I don't miss HER as a person at all.  I miss having my own house and my own life and not living with my goddamn parents (thanks guys but you're driving me mad) and I miss feeling like part of something, but yeah, personality wise, not so much. Maybe that shows it wasn't meant to be hey hey?



It's the start of a new year anyway and as much as I hate resolutions, too much has happened for me to not think of this year as a new beginning where I can all those many things I don't even know I want to do yet.  As such I wrote a wee list of things I'd like to change and I aim to at least try them:

1.  Start writing again, maybe starting here and moving onto reviews and stuff again; I wasn't that bad at writing (reviews obviously, this is all just melodramatic emo crap)

2. Start painting and drawing again, like properly.  I've already started doing a few doodles here and there so onwards and upwards peeps, to the Tate Modern! (except not crap)

3. Chill out more, not in a lazy way, coz god knows I'm an expert at that, but rather like.... stop taking things so seriously.  Stop worrying about every goddamned tiny thing and look at the bigger picture - maybe then I'll actually get something done.

4. Improve my confidence.... this isn't going to be too easy.  It's not good when you second guess everything you do and figure you're a dick head but maybe it's time I realised I'm not Hitler, I do have SOME good parts and if other people don't like me then that's their choice.  I mean, there's enough people I don't like and I don't think they are too worried about it.

5. Get some sort of plan together.  Even primary teaching would be a better waste of me than working in a call centre for Christ's sake.

6. Do more productive things like get off facebook and start playing guitar, or my mum's sweeeet ukulele.



I guess we shall see how many I actually do, I hope to try all of them really.  Maybe doing this journal crap will air some of my locked up crazy thoughts and make me less mental.  





On with the show.

Current Mood: optimistic
Monday, July 20th, 2009
9:22 pm
Wow people are stupid
Back to work today after three and a half days off last week with sinusitititis. Monday's are kerazzzzzy. Seriously, I think everyone takes some sort of stupid angry pill at the weekend and ring on a Monday on a serious downer that make the effects like 100 times worse.

Don't you just love it as well when old people feel the need to tell you their age before they've even said anything else? They come on the phone, hearing aids whistling with a "I've been on hold for ages, I'm 92 you know! I haven't got time to hang around on a phone all day, I've got children to harrass and funerals to plan!" This woman today actually said to me that she calls the world a "We can't world". I mean, fair enough, but I hadn't even said we can't! I said we can! Grrr.

I also love it when they start moaning about call centres in India and start with "I'm not racist but..." If you ever hear a sentence start with that then you can pretty much guarantee the next words out of that person's mouth are going to be pretty racist.

Oh, I watched Slumdog Millionaire.... I think I may have no heart whatsoever cause I just thought it was kind of.... hokey. I mean that bit at the beginning with the question and then the answer at the end? GAAAAAY. It was ok though. The little kids were well cute, I don't know the full story behind their involvement but it sort of made me a bit uncomfortable because you can bet anything they didn't get paid much.... Maybe that's just the cynic in me?! I know I know, me a cynic, never.

I thought of a good name for Chris Tarrant's biography though - Scumbag Millionaire.

Had a really weird dream about car accidents last night, there were legs all over the road.

Current Mood: chipper
Sunday, July 19th, 2009
3:49 pm
Religulous, The Wrestler and smoking (drugs) while pregnant
While ill as an ill thing (not swine flu thank GOD) last week, we rented some films from the Buster of Blocks - four for a tenner, not bad; we got Bolt (cheesy Disney film with John Travolta as a deluded puppy), The Wrestler (raved about thing with Marv from Sin City in), Religulous (Michael Moore-esque thing about organised religion) and Slumdog Millionaire (haven't watched it yet, I think its about Chris Tarrant or something).

Watched Bolt first coz I wasn't feeling too up for anything that involved actualy thinking.... it was ok but I couldn't get over the fact that the little girl's voice was ACTUALLY MILEY CYRUS' VOICE. I mean, she sounded about ten. At least I didn't have to look at her butter face though I guess?!

Watched the Wrestler on Friday, I admit I was a little bit drunk so I didn't really give it my full attention but I think I got the gist of it; it's about when plastic surgery goes wrong, right? J/K obvs haha. Seriously though, it was ok, I mean I just couldn't get over Mickey Rourke's face. I think if he didn't have that face he would not have won an Oscar (or been nominated etc, I can't remember if he won or not to be honest) - he was good enough but I mean his sad little face just added so much. It really brought the desparation home, you know? Also, if I was Marisa Tomei I would be getting a bit of a complex about the fact I was always get cast as a bit of ho. I don't think I've seen her in a film where she didn't get her chest out (god it took me so long to decide on a word for boobs there, everything seemed wrong).

Religulous I sort of thought I would hate, the guy who was interviewing all the religious types had a bit of a slappable quality, like that typical smuggy comedian type thing. HOWEVER, it was actually really funny. Probably not the most objective 'documentary' I've ever seen (think there was some clever editing and stuff) but you have to love any film where after getting a hug from an "Ex-gay" hardcore Christian the interviewer asks the guy if he had a hard-on. To quote Blackadder (ugh) - "I've got to admire your balls Captain".

Also, pregnancy and smoking.... I know two people who are pregnant at the moment. One of them I work with and am not particularly close to, she's still smoking X-amount a day and blaming the midwives (haha); the other is one of my better friends who I also work with and is not only smoking but smoking druuuugs (not crack or owt) and drinking (not loads like, but enough). Do you say something? I don't know if I care enough to, to be honest.

Has anyone heard of Passion Pit? I am obsessed with that song Sleepyhead, it is awesomely awesome.

Current Mood: - I think
Friday, July 17th, 2009
6:12 pm
It's good to be back, good to be back.
I'm guessing Gary Glitter wasn't singing that when he got shipped back to the UK from Thailand.

Anyway.

Isn't it funny how the people you love the most are usually the ones you want to punch the hardest?

Current Mood: How is meh not on this list.
Wednesday, June 25th, 2008
4:23 pm
Her Massive Vagina
That's what HMV stands for you know?

Anyway, I'm fairly bored and I haven't written on here for a while and I wanted to rant about my boss for a while, so if you're not in the mood for ranting - go elsewhere!! We don't want you no-rant types round here.

SO.......

My boss is a twat. His name is Ady, and he is a twat. That's all you basically need to know.

Yesterday he found a box in the stockroom that someone had written 'I hate being here :(" on, so what does he do? Does he ignore it, like a normal person? Does he ask everyone who wrote it so he can find out what's wrong and maybe help them out? OR

does he stick it to the staff room door along with a note that says:
"Whoever wrote this, if you want to hand in your resignation I won't even make you work your notice.
Or maybe you could just have the BALLS to talk to me."
(Balls was underlined too but I don't know the HTML code).

Ooh yes, well I hate my job and feel like I can only describe this feeling on boxes but now that my lovely sensitive boss has left that on the door I'm really feeling like I can open up and actually talk about it.

What a douche, I mean, is that not weird?

The worst thing is that when I heard about it I was like, "Shit, that sounds like something I would do. Did I do it.......?" But I looked at the writing and it's not mine.

Not that getting fired would be exactly terrible.
Wednesday, April 23rd, 2008
5:05 pm
Long time no writey
It's been almost a year since I last posted. Bloody hell! That's what marriage'll do to you I suppose. Never get to come on the computer anymore really, which makes me rather sad. I have a week off from the hellhole that is HMV though so I thought I may as well have a look-in and see what's going on....

I got a kitty!!! She's really really really cute too. Her name's Lily and she just turned one.

Ugh. I can't be bothered with all this stuffe. I got a cat, that's about it.

How are y'all?!

x
Tuesday, May 22nd, 2007
2:16 pm
You know...
Some people just don't understand my fucking amazing sense of humour.

Am feeling belligerent today. Is that how you spell it? Fuck you if it isn't!

See?
Monday, May 21st, 2007
4:03 pm
Long time no post
So Uni's finally coming to end... bummer. I'm half ecstatic, half so scared I want to curl up and hide in a lecture hall for the rest of my life. I have precisely six full hours of proper Universitas stuff left. Eek. I still haven't sorted out my graduation stuff yet either so I may not be able to go. I don't actually WANT to go, waiting around for two hours just to walk across a stage and be handed a scroll does not appeal much, but the rents will cry if I don't have some sort of proper celebration-y thing. It also means hanging around with a load of people I don't really know / like. I repeat: bummer.

Erm... I got a job at HMV, that's the only interesting thing that's happened to me recently really. It's very bizarre, the drummer from Travis comes in sometimes which I find very odd since he's a sort-of-famous musician-type and this is Lancaster HMV. Strrrrange. It's good to hear new music all the time though, mind you I am sick of the new Arctic Monkeys album already. Wouldn't mind but it's quite shitty in my humble opinion.

Question that's been bothering me for many a month: what do blind people dream about? Answers on a postcard please.

Current Mood: cranky
Monday, March 12th, 2007
6:19 am
I am in mourning.

My hamster died on Friday. Rupert Bastard was the cutest little thing in the world, I hope he's gone to a nice place.
Tuesday, January 16th, 2007
12:15 pm
I'm bored,so sue me
1. What was your favourite subject at school?
Art I guess. I loved media at college though.

2. Who is the most famous person that you have ever met?
Ricky Wilson? The Scissor Sisters? Neither of them are that famous reeeeally.

3. What do you have in your bag?
Everything. Ever. Erm.... notepad, pens, lipgloss and various other make up, mp3 player, cigarettes, wallet, phone, keys, hair stuff, paracetamol usually, sometimes books, diary... Donna always says I have too much stuff in my bag.

4. Who did you get your LJ invite code from?
What's that now?

5. What was the name of your first teacher?
Mrs Sherlock. She was a biatch.

6. What was the first single you ever bought?
I think the first single I ever owned was Don't Worry by Kim Appleby. Can't remember what the first one I ever bought was though...

7. Can you dance?
Yes. I am an awesome dancer, seriously.

8. Have you ever been in a band?
If you can call any sort of endeavor that had a name and record cover and no songs a band then yeah.

9. Who is the noisiest person you know?
Gemma, but I love her, she's my favourite.

10. Who was the last person you defriended?
No-one, that's horrible.

11. What is your favourite word today?
Cinnamon. I'm sure I had a dream about someone calling something completely random cinnamon. Hmm.

12. Who was the first person you ever friended?
Erm... I dunno.

13. What were you wearing yesterday?
Jeans I wear every day, a black t-shirt I have slept in and worn for too long by far, Vans, hoodie.

14. What is your favourite perfume?
Red Diesel. It's well cheap an' all.

15. What is your favourite NIN song?
Erm.... that one with the video with the pig heads.

16. Have you any allergies?
Doing things.

17. What is your favourite band?
The Smiths or The Beatles.

18. If you could go back in time - which period would you go back to?
The Nineties or the seventies.

19. How do you get on with your ex?
Meh, ok.

20. Describe yourself in five words.
Tiny Insecure Slightly Overweight Person.

21. What is your favourite pub?
The Duke haha.

22. Who did you last kiss?
Donna.

23. Describe the person you got this questionnaire from in five words.
Very Funny Singy Type Person.

24. What is your favourite poem?
I don't do poems really... Erm. Yeah, I don't do poems.

25. What was the last thing you said on Instant Messenger?
x

26. Quote a film.
"If Butch goes to Indo-China I want two niggers waiting in a bowl of rice ready to pop a cap in his ass". Oh Pulp Fiction I love thee. I do not condone use of the N-word however.

27. What are you really excited about right now?
Going out tonight, new Fall Out Boy album coz I suck balls. Moving in with Don properly.

28. Write a line of bad goth poetry.
I like the colour black,
Because it's nice and dark,
I like to spit at townies,
When walking through the park.

29. Bill Bailey or Dylan Moran?
I find myself to be more like Dylan Moran in that I am an anti-social bastard, however Bill Bailey is funnier.

30. What was your worst ever job?
Sea Life Centre greeter / annoying person. Fucking hell on earth.

31. What is your favourite tube station?
Cockfosters.

32. Name your favourite Sisters Of Mercy song.
Erm....

33. What was the last thing you bought at Lush?
Some stuff for Donna's mum. Never bought anything from there before, I find spending more than a quid on soap morally wrong.

34. What is your most embarrassing nickname?
I'mnot embarrassed by any of my nicknames. I have earnt them, like a samurai.

35. What is your favourite smell?
Napalm in the morning.

36. What is your favourite book?
Catcher in the Rye because I am highly predictable.

37. What do you order at Wagamama?
Never been. I find stuff like that so...meh.

38. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Saw III ages ago.

39. Do you dye your hair?
Yeah, i've forgotten what colour it is.

40. Have you ever been proposed to?
I had an imaginary wedding to my science teacher.

41. Which Simpsons character do you most identify with?
Duff Man.

42. Write something in Latin.
Enis temblem. Roughly translated being WTF LOL.

43. What is your favourite drink?
Gin yes oh gin.

44. Who is the funniest person on your friends list?
Pete Weeeenz.

45. What country do you come from?
Engerland.

46. Who was the last LJ user that you met for the first time?
Shani and Meredith.

47. What did you want to be when you grew up?
Taller.

48. Open the nearest book and write the first line that catches your eye.
"Admit it Scott - you'd give it all away to look like a Chippendale dancer - for even ten minutes"

49. What track is playing on iTunes right now?
Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying - Fall out Boy.


50. Describe your default user icon.
Derek Acorah.
Saturday, January 6th, 2007
2:38 pm
Another day another essay
Why did I come to Uni again? Eh what a pain in the arse, too many essays to do innit. Don got the job, she is now a kitchen designer extraordinaire which makes me very happy and kind of sad at the same time for I am but a lowly squitty student.
Erm. I can't remember why I started posting now.

A belated merry christmas and happy new year to everyone in the world, I am useless with stuff like emailing / messaging people to say it.
Tuesday, December 19th, 2006
12:10 pm
Ooh ooh ooh
Donna has an interview today so fingers and legs and toes and eyes crossed that she does ok, she's really nervous poor thing! A cute little regular man at Walkabout bought me and her tea and drinks last night! Twas well cute.
I am in a good mood today for some bizarre reason: WHY? THIS NEVER HAPPENS ANYMORE!!!

I love the Hush Sound.
Friday, December 15th, 2006
1:22 pm
Blues? I'll give you fucking blues...
I am so sick of this tossing essay! I seem to have wittered on for years and said precisely nothing.

And my hands smell like wet flannel.
Monday, December 11th, 2006
12:36 am
So.....
Been a long while, and I am writing because I have essays and frankly I would rather eat tetanus infested nails than carry on wading my way through 3000 words about blues music right now.

I thought music would be an interesting subject but apparently not. I am also about to get in trouble for smoking in the house again. Boo!! It's my room dammit. I will de-smell it when I move out!

My dad met Paul McCartney the other week. That's the only even remotely exciting thing that has happened even around me lately. How very mundane!
Wednesday, September 27th, 2006
1:59 pm
Stolen from dirtyzander
Top 20 Overall Artists

1. The Hush Sound
First Song Heard: Crawling Towards The Sun
Song That Made Me Love Them: Echo
Current Favorite: Don't Wake Me Up

2. The Futureheads
First Song Heard: Decent Days and Nights
Song That Made Me Love Them: Stupid and Shallow
Current Favorite: Piece of Crap / Skip To The End

3. The Beatles
First Song Heard: Can't Remember
Song That Made Me Love Them: Across The Universe
Current Favorite: It Won't Be Long

4. Gym Class Heroes
First Song Heard: Cupid's Chokehold
Song That Made Me Love Them: Taxi Driver
Current Favorite: Pillmatic

5. Mindless Self Indulgence
First Song Heard: Faggot
Song That Made Me Love Them: Masturbates
Current Favorite: Tight

6. The Smiths
First Song Heard: This Charming Man or something
Song That Made Me Love Them: Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want
Current Favorite: Panic

7. Modest Mouse
First Song Heard: Float On
Song That Made Me Love Them: Float On
Current Favorite: Bukowski

8. The Long Blondes
First Song Heard: Appropriation
Song That Made Me Love Them: Lust in the Movies
Current Favorite: Giddy Stratospheres

9. Lily Allen
First Song Heard: Smile
Song That Made Me Love Them: LDN
Current Favorite: Everything's Just Wonderful

10. The Cribs
First Song Heard: The Wrong Way To Be
Song That Made Me Love Them: Mirror Kissers
Current Favorite: Martell

11. NOFX
First Song Heard: Leave It Alone
Song That Made Me Love Them: The whole of Pump Up the Valuum
Current Favorite: Franco-Unamerican / Mattersville

12. Kaiser Chiefs
First Song Heard: Oh My God ( the original version)
Song That Made Me Love Them: I Predict A Riot
Current Favorite: Formative Years

13. ELO
First Song Heard: Mr. Blue Sky
Song That Made Me Love Them: Mr. Blue Sky
Current Favorite: Living Thing

14. Blur
First Song Heard: There's No Other Way
Song That Made Me Love Them: Boys and Girls
Current Favorite: Magic America / Yuko and Hiro

15. OKGo
First Song Heard: Get Over It
Song That Made Me Love Them: You're So Damn Hot
Current Favorite: Invincible

16. Patrick Wolf
First Song Heard: Tristan
Song That Made Me Love Them: The Libertine
Current Favorite: The Libertine

16. Pulp
First Song Heard: Disco 2000 possibly
Song That Made Me Love Them: Something Changed
Current Favorite: Last Day of the Miner's Strike, Mishapes, This is Hardcore

18. Radiohead
First Song Heard: Creep
Song That Made Me Love Them: Iron Lung
Current Favorite: Knives Out

19. Hot Hot Heat
First Song Heard: Bandages
Song That Made Me Love Them: No, Not Now
Current Favorite: Le Le Low

20. The Spinto Band
First Song Heard: Oh Mandy
Song That Made Me Love Them: Oh Mandy
Current Favorite: Brown Boxes

Current Mood: anxious
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